


Control

by spacegaystrashcompactor



Series: Freakshow AU [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Bucky stop talking before you fuck up everything, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Rating Might Change, Reader needs to fuckin chill, Self-Hatred, Underage Drinking, Vomiting, Yes the X-Men are eventually making an enterance, probably smut later, will add more tags later probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-23 12:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7463082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegaystrashcompactor/pseuds/spacegaystrashcompactor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Welcome To The Freak Show! Tony, Steve and Bucky take a trip down memory lane when they watch Readers HYDRA tapes, shocking things from the past are seen, how will everyone react to this new information, and what has our dear reader been hiding?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is on tumblr as well, I'm spacegaystrashcompactor on there too!

_“Bucky?”_

“Yeah, doll?”

You sat, curled up in Bucky’s lap, only half paying attention to the TV as your head rested on his chest.

_“It’s pretty outside.”_

Looking out towards the window, you were met with the sight of orange leaves rustling in the wind and a cloudy sky. You carefully got up from his lap, walking over and leaning against the window.

Bucky smiled sadly and got up, moving behind you and wrapping his arms around your stomach. Your mood had been pretty down for the past couple weeks and he didn’t know what to do. He would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and find that you weren’t in the bed. You’d be in the living room staring at the TV on mute, or erratically trying to clean the kitchen, or organizing a bookshelf. Sometimes he would even find you half asleep, just pacing around the apartment.

Whenever he brought it up, you just brushed it off, saying that you were just in a mood, it would go away soon.

“Do you want to go outside?” He could feel you tense up under him. You hadn’t been out of the apartment much lately, preferring to stay inside and trying to wait out this mood of yours.

Very slowly, you nodded and relaxed back into his arms. _“Yeah… I do.”_

Bucky couldn’t stop the small smile forming on his lips as he kissed the top of your head. Pulling you to the door, he handed you your coat as you pulled on shoes.

Walking hand in hand outside, you began following a trail through the woods, enjoying the silence. Your eyes widened slightly as you took in all the different colors, the autumn season painting the trees shades of orange and red.

Pausing as he felt a tug on his sleeve, Bucky looked down at you as you pointed off a little way into the woods.

“Wha—” he started.

_“Shh… Look.”_

Following where you were pointing, he finally noticed the small group of rabbits hopping about. Smiling at the look of awe on your face, he quietly sat down, not wanting to make too much noise and scare them off. Bucky gently pulled you down into his lap, brushing the hair out of your face as you both watched the small creatures munch on the grass.

 _“They’re cute, aren’t they, doll?”_ He thought quietly, knowing you would be able to hear him.

You just nodded, not taking your eyes off of them.

It wasn’t long before Bucky felt you relax completely in your lap and lean heavily against his chest, your breathing slowly evening out. Glancing down at your sleeping face, he smiled and pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head before standing up once more, with you in his arms.

\---

“I just don’t know what to do, she’s been so…” Bucky thought for a moment. “Down, lately. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“She gets like this every year, Buck. None of us know why, she won’t talk to us.” Steve commented. “It usually gets better within a month.”

They both were seated on the couch in the living room while you were sleeping a few rooms over.

“No one knows why?”

“Not that I know of, Stark might have an idea, he’s known her for the longest out of all of us.”

“Really?” Bucky looked confused. “I thought both of you found her at the same time.”

Steve glanced away for a moment, murmuring quietly. “He knew her before all this happened to her. I think they went to high school together or something.”

It was silent after that, both of the men lost in thought. It was easy to forget that all of them, in some way or another, once had a life that was taken away from them. The sound of a door opening pulled them both from their thoughts.

“Sorry to interrupt group session at the senior center, but I found something both of you might be interested in.” Tony tried to joke, holding up a set of various disks, each with a labeled date.

“What are those?”

“HYDRA tapes.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I think I might be able to fix something, or at least figure out what’s wrong, but I need to know exactly what they did to her.”

“And she knows you have these?”

“I talked to her a few days ago, she knows. I don’t know if you want to be there when I watch them, but I thought I’d offer.”

“I want to be there.” Bucky said quickly. “If there’s some way to make her feel better… I need to know.”

“Cap?”

Steve nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”  
\---

“Stark told you he has the tapes?”

Bucky was standing in the doorway to the bedroom as you changed into pajamas for the night. Stiffening slightly at his question, you turned to look at him, opening your mouth slightly before closing it again and furrowing your eyebrows in discomfort.

_“He did, I told him you guys could watch them. I can’t, for obvious reasons.”_

“It won’t bother you if I watch them, too?”

Your eyes closed and your mouth opened in a silent sigh before you turned away to finish getting dressed. _“I’m not trying to hide things from you… So, while I’m not thrilled with the idea… I don’t want you to not see them. Just… Try not to think differently about me afterwards.”_

Finally walking into the room, Bucky pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I could never think any different about you, doll. I promise.”

You nodded before settling down under the blankets in bed, pressing your back against Bucky’s chest when he crawled in behind you. Relaxing when the feeling of his fingers started running through your hair you let out a small sigh and closed your eyes.

“You keep acting like you’re trying to talk, sugar,” he commented, gently running his hand over the faint scars that lined your throat.

_“Can’t help it… I keep remembering what it was like to talk… Sometime’s it just happens.”_

“Does it hurt? If you talk?” He had only heard you speak once, but every so often you would make little noises, he loved hearing them. Each sound was like music to his ears.

_“Kind of… It hurts my head.”_

Bucky just nodded, he knew exactly what you meant. Sometimes the mental pain can be worse than anything physical. Determined to distract you, he murmured. “You said you were remembering what it was like to talk. Are you remembering anything else?”

_“Some things, I remember a lot of things that I did… Not really anything about what I used to like or anything though. I used to hang out a Tony’s house all the time when we were kids. That was always fun.”_

“Your parents let you hang around a kid like Stark?” He laughed.

You tensed up under him, trying to figure out what to say. _“They didn’t know, half the time. I didn’t… Have the best relationship… With my parents. They barely noticed when I left.”_

He sat up slightly, running his fingers through your hair once more. “Hey, doll. It’s alright, I’m sorry I brought it up.”

_“Don’t worry about it, but we should get some sleep. You’ve got a long day tomorrow if you’re planning on watching those tapes.”_

“You’re right. Goodnight, (y/n). I love you.”

_“I love you too…”_

\---

The three men were sitting uncomfortably on the couch, needing but not wanting to start the tapes.

“Should we start?” Steve asked.

“Probably.” Tony picked up the remote, before taking a deep breath and pressing play.

_A street appeared on the screen, a small girl, no older than 14 running down the sidewalk. It was dark, the road lit up by dim street lights. She stopped in front of a house, picking up small rocks and tossing them at an upstairs window._

_“Tony!” She whisper-yelled, trying not to wake up his parents. “Tony, wake up! Please!”_

_Slowly, the window slid open. “(Y/n)? What are you doing here? I need my beauty sleep.”_

_“Tony, please! I couldn’t stay there… It happened again!”_

_A muffled shit was heard, as the window closed again. You waited anxiously by the window until the front door cracked open._

The tape paused with a teenaged Tony on the screen, standing in the doorway, and you off to the side.

“Stark, what is this?” Steve was sitting up straight, looking over at Tony, who seemed to be in shock.

“I remember this night.” Tony muttered. “She had come over because she had got into another fight with her parents… She would always come over when that happened, she practically lived at my house.” He looked up at the other two men.

“Why would HYDRA have this on tape?”

“I don’t know, Cap. But whatever we’re about to see, it can’t be good.”

Bucky couldn’t stop staring at you on the screen. You looked so small, and fragile, he remembered you saying that you didn’t have the best relationship with your parents, but he never would have expected this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader's not actually in this part, well, she is, but it's in the past

“What are you guys doing?” Natasha questioned.

The three men jumped, each pulled out of their thoughts by the redhead. Tony was the first to respond, holding up a folder with your name on it. “(Y/n)’s HYDRA file tapes… I might have a way to fix her, if I can see what exactly they did to her.”

She just nodded and started to walk away. “Good luck, you’re not going to like what you see.”

“Wait,” Steve called out. “You know what happened?”

Nat was silent for a moment. “I do. She told me a couple years ago. Girls night.”

“And you didn’t think to mention this sooner?!” Tony almost yelled.

“It’s not my place to tell you her secrets, Stark. Just know, it’s not pretty.” And with that, she was gone again, leaving them alone.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Bucky stated softly, still not tearing his eyes away from the screen.

\---

_“What the hell happened to you?!”_

_“My fault…” you mumbled. “Didn’t finish cleaning before they got home.”_

_Tony led you quietly through the house, to his bedroom, taking a mental note of each time you winced trying to walk up the stairs. When you got to his room, you all but face planted onto his bed, letting out a small groan of pain._

_“You can’t keep staying there, (y/n).”_

_“Where else am I gonna go, Tony?” You sat up, biting your lip in pain. The circle shaped gash on your face still bleeding slightly._

_“You could stay with me. If my mom found out what was going on, she’d adopt you in a heartbeat.”_

_“I couldn’t do that to your family. They have enough to worry about without having to deal with some other kids’ problems.”_

_Tony sighed. “At least let me clean you up. And you’re staying here tonight.”_

_You just nodded and stayed put while he went to go find the first aid kit._

_“What was it this time?” He asked, rubbing alcohol over your cut face._

_“A broken bottle.” You hissed, trying not to recoil from the burning pain. “I dropped it when I heard the door open. Mom wasn’t happy with me.” You laughed bitterly. “I shouldn’t have fucking gone home at all, I knew they were in a bad mood when I left for school this morning.”_

_Tony was quiet as he watched you lay face down on his bed once more, staring at your back with a grim expression. Was that blood? Or was your shirt just damp from sweat because you ran here? “(Y/n).”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Take off your shirt.”_

_Your whole body stiffened as you tried to joke. “That’s very… Forward of you, Tony. If you wanted to get me in your bed, all you had to do was ask.”_

_“I’m not kidding, (Y/n).”_

_When you made no effort to move, he laid one hand gently on the small of your back, immediately removing it when your body jerked and you let out a yelp of pain._

_“Alright, alright.” You muttered, sitting up and slowly pulling off your thin t-shirt._

_Tony let out a gasp as his eyes trailed over the crisscrossing bruises that painted your skin in shades of black and blue. “Fuck, (y/n) … Were you not going to mention this??”_

_“I hadn’t planned on it, no.” Gritting your teeth as more alcohol was rubbed against your back, you dug your nails into the blankets. “You almost done back there? That don’t really feel nice.”_

_“Sorry sweetheart, I’m done.” He sighed and walked over to his closet, tossing you a long sleeved shirt. “Here, have a shirt minus the blood.”_

_“Thanks…” You murmured. “Hey Tony?” You asked, moving over to make room for him on the bed._

_“Yeah?”_

_“What do you wanna do when we’re older?” Waiting for him to get comfortable, you laid your head against his stomach, looking up at him._

_“If you had asked me that a few years ago, I would have told you that I wanted to be a superhero. Now I’m not so sure.”_

_“I think you’d make a great superhero.”  
“I think you’re delusional.”_

_“I’m serious,” you tried to sit up. “You could be anything you wanted to be.”_

_“Please quit moving, you’re starting to worry me. But, I guess you’re right.”_

_You groaned in pain and finally relaxed completely against the bed. “I know I’m right. Look, your dad made the serum that created Captain Fucking America, and that was in, like, 1940something, just imagine what you could do in 15 years, turn of the century technology and all that.”_

_For the first time that night, Tony cracked a smile. “Okay, okay. You’re right. What about you?”_

_“What about me?”_

_“What do you want to do when you grow up.”_

_“At this point, I’m just hoping I have a chance to grow up. At least get to the wise old age of 18.”_

_“(Y/n) …”_

_You sighed and closed your eyes. “I don’t know… I’ve never really given it much thought. I’ve always liked dancing… Mostly I just want to get away from here, go someplace where no one can ever hurt me again.”_

_Running his fingers through your hair, he whispered. “Well, when I’m living in my huge mansion in the city, you can get away from all of this and stay with me.”_

_“Thanks, Tony…” You thought for a moment. “You really think we’ll be able to get away from all this one day?”_

_“I know we can.”_

_Nodding against his stomach, you were barely able to mumble a sleepy “goodnight” before you quickly fell asleep._

_“I promise, I’ll get you away from here, (y/n).”_

\---

The men sat in silence on the couch as the TV screen went blue, signaling the end of the footage on that disk. Tony was looking everywhere but the TV, trying not to let the feeling of guilt for not doing more to help you overwhelm him. Steve and Bucky were glaring at the screen with varying degrees of anger in their eyes.

“How could someone do that to their own damn child?” Bucky growled, gripping onto the armrest of the couch.

“They wanted a boy.” Tony muttered.

“What?”

“They wanted a boy, but (y/n) was the last kid they could have, there were complications. They blamed her for it.”

“That’s just—”

“Messed up? Insane? Disgusting?” Tony bit out. “Trust me, I know. I cleaned her up and pieced her back together for years. There’s not any words that can accurately describe how horrible her parents were.”

Steve sighed and gestured to the table where the rest of the DVDs sat. “Maybe we should just get back to the rest of the tapes…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underage drinking and whatnot~

_“I’m not a winter soldier, Tony. You can’t fix me. What’s done can’t be undone.”_

“(Y/n),” he gripped your shoulders, looking down at you. “When we were kids, you told me that I could do anything I wanted to. I want to do this.”

_“Tony… This is different.”_

“I got my hands on all the HYDRA tapes, (y/n). If I can figure out exactly what they did, I can undo whatever damage they did to that pretty little head of yours. Just let me try, sweetheart.”

You gritted your teeth and closed your eyes, running a hand through your hair. _“You’re just setting yourself up to fail.”_

“(Y/n) … Just let me try…” Tony pleaded, tilting your head up to look at him.

 _“Alright…”_ Your shoulders slumped and you sighed, rubbing at your eyes and smiling sadly. _“Just don’t be too upset when you realize that there’s nothing you can do for me.”_

With a smile and a quick kiss to the top of your head, he was walking back down the hallway. “I’ll figure out something, (Y/n)!”

You just turned away, thinking quietly to yourself. ‘ _You can’t fix what’s in my genes, Tony…’_

\---

Steve sighed and gestured to the table where the rest of the DVDs sat. “Maybe we should just get back to the rest of the tapes…”

Tony was still lost in his own thoughts as Bucky picked up the next disk. “This one’s dated a year later.”

\---

_A young Tony Stark climbed up to your window, sitting down on the roof. He knew your parents were gone for the night, so he didn’t have to worry about being quiet._

_“Hey, Cinderella! Did you forget you were supposed to come over?” He tried not to let his worry show, but truth be told, he worried whenever you weren’t by his side. The longer you were away from him, the more likely he was to find you battered and bruised._

_You jerked your head up, your small body covered in jeans and a baggy turtleneck, immediately making Tony narrow his eyes through the window. “Tony? Shit, I’m sorry, I can’t exactly get out my door right now, I’m locked in.”_

_“Well, you wanna open the window, sweetheart?”_

_“Yeah, yeah.” You got up, stumbling slightly over an empty bottle on the floor, and opened the window._

_“(Y/n)? Are you drunk?” The room smelled heavily of alcohol and you could barely walk straight._

_“Trying to get there,” you slurred, stumbling back over to your bed._

_Tony walked over, scooping you up into his arms. “Want to at least be drunk away from here? My parents are gone for a week. And, I think we need to talk.”_

_Your body stiffened as you turned away. “Talk about what?”_

_“Why you’re wearing a turtleneck in the summer.”_

_You sighed, the buzz from the alcohol starting to wear off. “Would you believe me if you said I was cold?”_

_“Not at all.”_

_“Then I’d rather talk at your place. Help me out the window?”_

_“You sure you can get off the roof? And shouldn’t you take this off? I told you there’s no one at my house, you’re going to die of a heat stroke out there.”_

_“I think I can, I can sure as hell try. And you really don’t want me to take this off right now. You’re already mad.”_

_Tony sighed and set you down by the window, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not mad, (y/n). I just worry about you… Please just take it off, you look like you’re about to die in that thing.”_

_You closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the wall, wincing slightly. After a few moments, you pulled the thick sweater off._

_The old tank top of Tony’s that you wore did little to cover the dark finger shaped bruises around your neck, or the many cuts littering your back and shoulders. Tony sucked in a breath as he looked you over, clenching his teeth._

_“Is that glass in your back?” He bit out, trying to keep control of his temper._

_“We don’t have a coffee table anymore.”_

_“What happened?”_

_“I’d rather talk at your place.”_

_\---_

_It didn’t take long after you got there for Tony to grab more alcohol as he led you to his room. Handing you a bottle, he sat down on his bed, patting the space beside him. “Spill it, sweetheart.”_

_“I’m going to boarding school,” you stated, taking a long swig from the bottle, relishing in the burning of your throat._

_“What?! When?!” Tony choked, barely keeping himself from throwing his own bottle that he held in his hand._

_“End of the summer.”_

_As the night went on, the two of you continued to try and drink away your problems. Both of you ending up on his bed, your head laying on Tony’s chest, you looked up at him and tried to smile._

_“They’ll prolly jus’ kick me ou’ af’er a while, ‘nyway,” you slurred, trying to remain conscious._

_“Jus’ give ‘em hell, kid. An’ you’ll be back here in no time.”_

\---

“I’m done for the night. I can’t do this anymore.” Tony turned off the TV and got up. The three men had been watching the tapes for several hours, seeing several fights between you and your parents, none of which were helping Tony figure out how to help you. He quickly left to his lab, prepared to drown out his guilty conscious by working on his suit.

“You alright, Buck?” Steve turned to his friend, who was gripping one of the couch pillows close to his chest.

“I just don’t understand how someone could do all that stuff to their own kid. Makes no goddamn sense.”

Steve nodded, reaching out a hand to his shoulder. “She’s strong, and she’s away from all of it now.”

“I know, but still.” Throwing the pillow to the side, he got up, jerking his shoulder away from Steve’s grip. “I’m going back to our place, you know where to find me,” he muttered, making no effort to hide his anger.

To say he was mad would be an understatement. Not at you, never at you, but at your parents. How someone could hurt someone as sweet as you were, he’d never understand.

Slamming open the door to your shared apartment, Bucky wanted nothing more than to beg you to tell him where your parents lived so he could make absolutely sure they never hurt you again, but the sight of you laying fast asleep on the couch stopped him in his tracks. The TV played quietly in the background, the book you had been reading raising up and down on your chest with each steady breath you took.

Bucky couldn’t help but stumble forward, dropping to his knees beside the couch as he buried his face into your stomach, choking out a sob as he realized that you really were safe now.

You awoke with a start, but relaxed immediately when you saw that it was just him. Gently, you reached out, running your fingers through his hair.

 _“I’m alright, really…”_ Your soft voice echoed through his head.

He coughed and looked up at you through watery eyes, standing up and pulling you into his arms, he carried you to your bedroom without a word, and held you close to him all night, dreading tomorrow when they would have to finish watching the tapes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should be a warning... Jus' sayin

The next day came all too soon, and you were a nervous wreck by the time morning came.

“What’s got you so antsy, doll?”

You stopped pacing for a moment to look up at him. _“Just nervous… You’re really not going to like what you see today…”_

Bucky smiled sadly and pulled you into his chest, running his fingers through your hair. “I know all about what HYDRA did to people, I was there too, remember?” He tried to joke.

You stiffened completely in his arms, sucking in a breath as you almost dropped the empty coffee mug you were holding.

“Doll?”

_“What did you say?”_

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and looked down at you. “Just that I was with HYDRA too, you know? I know what they were capable of doing.”

Closing your eyes and shaking your head, you visibly relaxed, turning back to the counter. _“Yeah… Right, you’re right.”_

Bucky pulled you to him once more, gently tilting your head up with his fingertips, and kissed you softly. “Look, babydoll. I know you’re worried about whatever I’m gonna see today, but no matter what, remember that I love you. Nothing’s gonna ever change that.”

_“I love you…”_

“I love you, too, (Y/n).”

\---

“Where the hell is Stark? He was supposed to be here half an hour ago.”

“I don’t know, Buck. Maybe in his lab?”

“Let’s just go fucking get him, already. (Y/n)’s worried about something on these tapes, and I want to get this over with already.”

Sure enough, Tony was hunched over a pile of papers on his desk, a concerned expression on his face as he read through them. “I just don’t get this,” he muttered to himself.

“Tony? Did you forget what we’re supposed to be doing?” Steve walked into the lab, with Bucky trailing close behind.

“Huh? What?” Tony finally looked up, “shit, sorry. I got busy.”

“With what? You alright? You look like hell.”

“Thanks Cap,” he sighed. “It’s (Y/n)’s blood work.”

“Blood work?” Bucky was immediately worried, quickly walking behind the desk and looking over Tony’s shoulder at the papers, he was quiet for a moment. “I don’t understand what any of this means.”

“I was hoping that by doing tests on her blood, it would give me some idea of how to help her.”

“Well, what did you find?” Steve asked.

“She’s not a super soldier. In fact, there wasn’t any trace of the serum in her blood, whatsoever,” he paused for a moment. “Frosty? Do you know anything about HYDRA using mutants?”

“Mutants?”

“People born with the mutant gene, activated and whatnot gives them certain powers and—”

“I know what mutants are, Stark. No, as far as I can remember, HYDRA never dealt with them. Why?”

Tony just sighed, looking at both men before shaking his head.

\---

_Leaving at the end of the summer was hard, but you left with promises of written letters and school vacation visits to Tony._

_You never made it to a school, there was no boarding school. You don’t remember where they took you, or how you got there, you just knew that you were somewhere cold. Struggling against the guards that carried you to a cell, you kicked and screamed at them to let you go, but they didn’t listen._

_The cell was dark, nothing more than a simple cot for a bed and really nothing else. You weren’t sure how long you stayed there until you were taken to a lab and strapped onto a bed._

_None of the doctors spoke to you, no matter how much you begged and pleaded to know what they were doing to you. Once you were secured down, a doctor in a mask came over to look at you._

_“You’re going to be a great help to our organization, Miss (l/n).”_

_“H-Help? What are you--?”_

_You were cut off as a gag was forced into your mouth. Staring wide-eyed up at the doctor, you watched as a syringe of blue liquid was injected into your arm. Your body reacted immediately, struggling against the restraints, mouth opened in a silent scream._

_The pain seemed to last forever each moment seemingly worse than the last. For days, you laid on the cot, body convulsing, vomiting the contents of your stomach and after that vomiting blood._

_Your mind was in a haze as you finally were able to lay still, muscles sore and aching as most of the pain faded away, leaving a dull throb in its wake. Looking around as the room came back into focus, it was silent aside from your gasping, ragged breaths, chest heaving in effort to bring more oxygen into your lungs._

_Eventually, another doctor in a lab coat, this one different from the last, came into the room, sticking you with a needle filled with some sort of sedative. You went limp against the cot, eyes rolling back in your head as you lost consciousness._

_\---_

“She was just a kid…” Steve mumbled. “She was a child. How much of this went on?”

Bucky was staring at the paused screen, looking like he was about to throw up. “I had no idea…”

“None of us did,” Tony said, he was unable to tear his eyes away from your unconscious face, looking so peaceful for someone who was just in so much pain.

\---

_They tried again and again. Each time you reacted the same, days upon days of pain and sickness, you didn’t know how you could even still be alive._

_“Her body is rejecting the serum, sir.”_

_You could barely overhear a nurse talking. Serum? What serum? What were they trying to do to you?_

_“We’ve tried it 3 different times, all under different circumstances. Something in her DNA is preventing it from taking effect.”_

_“What about the other serum?”_

_“Sir, that one's never been tested before.”_

_“So, test it on her. I paid a lot of money for her. If she can’t be a winter soldier, I’m damn sure not letting her go to waste.”_

_You struggled to remain conscious as the door open, the same doctor from before walking in and giving you a smile. “And how are you feeling?”_

_“Just fucking peachy,” you tried to snarl, but it came out more tired and pained than anything._

_“Don’t worry, Miss (l/n). Soon, you’ll be feeling better, just a few more tests.”_

_“Any chance you want to tell me what the fuck you’re doing to me?”_

_Your question was left unanswered as he left once more, the nurse coming in, this time with a vial of something green. Silently she injected it into your arm and left._

_You couldn’t hold back the scream that tore its way from your throat as it felt like every cell in your body was burning, rearranging themselves into something new. Dark swirling patterns wound their way over your arms and legs and you seemed to be enveloped in smoky darkness._

_The screaming stopped, but you could still feel everything. You squeezed your eyes shut against the pain. It felt like your throat had closed up, preventing you from making noise. You’re not sure how long you stayed like that, constant burning pain, until finally, it was over._

_The first thing you noticed when you could open your eyes again, was how bright it was. Squinting against the lights in the lab, the shadows swirling around you seemed to form a veil across your face, allowing you to look around the room._

_‘This is odd… What’s happening to me?’ You thought to yourself. ‘What did they do? Why can’t I talk?’_

_Opening your mouth and trying to speak, to call out for someone to come help you, sharp pains immediately flashed across your head, seemingly preventing you from trying to make noise._

_Suddenly the door opened, and you were wordlessly taken back to your cell. You didn’t have the strength left in you to fight against the guards this time. When they left you stood up, glad for the dim lighting of your cell, though it seemed like you could still see everything with extreme clarity. Walking over to the metal door, you could see a distorted reflection of yourself and your mouth dropped open at the sight. Swirling shadows inked themselves down your arms and legs, and sure enough, when you pulled off your shirt, they swirled around your stomach and back as well. Taking a closer look at your face, you could see that your eyes were completely black, pupils blown out huge._

_That must be why I can see everything in the dark… And why it hurt in the light earlier…_

_Over the course of several years, your powers kept developing more and more. You learned to communicate telepathically, you could control the shadows that radiated from your very skin, you could even teleport through them. The mutation had made you completely silent, never making a noise as you moved fluidly through your cell when you practiced._

_Eventually, you were needed elsewhere. You were given to a separate division, to be used for the training of other soldiers. They tried so hard to wipe your memories, to mold you into a toy soldier, but nothing worked. They wired your mouth shut, insuring your silence. You continued to fight back with everything you had, determined to stick it out and somehow get out of here alive, back to Tony, to the only family you knew._

_It turns out, when they told you that you’d be used to help the training of other soldiers, they meant that you would be used for target practice. You were roughly shoved into what looked like a cage, electrical wiring crisscrossing the bars as they locked you in with one person at a time. Being able to teleport made it easy to avoid most of the punches, and most of the time, you were able to silently enter their minds, figuring out their weak spots and using them to your advantage before they could hurt you too bad._

_The other agents would often watch the shows for entertainment, betting on who they thought would win that night._

_You had been there a couple years, and each day was the same thing. Wake up, fight for as long as they needed you to, go back to the cage you now slept in. And do it all over again._

_One night, you were sitting on one of the rafters in the cage, waiting for the next person you would have to fight. Your eyes widened as you saw the man walk in. You had never seen him before, but oh, you had heard of him. The winter soldier._

_You quickly teleported around him, dodging his punches with ease._

_‘I’ve never fought this guy before,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Shit, he can’t go near the fence, his arm’s metal. That wouldn’t end well.’_

_You manipulated the shadows around you, pulling them to cover yourself as you began to look through his mind, desperate to find a way for the both of you to get out of here with minimal damage, all while trying to keep him from getting too close to the electrical wiring on the fence._

_“Get out of my head!” He growled, catching you off guard, swinging his arm backwards where you were._

_‘Huh?’ You weren’t quick enough to teleport away, his arm hitting you across the face, knocking your mask off and sending you back into the fence._

_His eyes widened and he looked mildly horrified as your back arched away from the cage as it shocked you, leaving a crisscrossed pattern across the side of your back._

_Why couldn’t you get away? Your vision blurred and it wasn’t long before you could taste something metallic. Blood dripped out from between the wires holding your lips shut and if you looked down, you could clearly see the metal bar sticking out of your stomach._

_‘I know I have healing abilities, but this is just ridiculous,’ you thought as you tried to push yourself off of the bar, finally blacking out._

_\---_

_Bucky couldn’t sleep that night, he laid wide awake in his cot, thinking about the fight earlier. You had gone easy on him, you had held back, why?_

_Growling when he realized that he wasn’t going to get any sleep until he got answers, he shoved himself out of bed and snuck over to where you were kept._

_He walked up to your cage, narrowing his eyes as you laid still on your stomach, seemingly asleep. His eyes traced your bare back, looking at the crisscrossing scars from the fence, and down to the bloody hole near your hip. Didn’t they bother cleaning you up?_

_You woke up when you felt someone in the room with you. Slowly opening your eyes, you picked your head up, and immediately met the icy blue eyes of the winter soldier._

_He grimaced and walked closer to your cage._

_“Little mutant.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the flashbacks are in italics, (Y/n)'s speech is in regular font (since she speaks using telepathy and whatnot)~ Just letting y'all know, that's why it's like that

_You woke up when you felt someone in the room with you. Slowly opening your eyes, you picked your head up, and immediately met the icy blue eyes of the winter soldier._

_He grimaced and walked closer to your cage._

_“Little mutant.”_

_Trying to sit up, your eyes widened as he got closer._ “Don’t touch the cage.”

_He jerked back when he heard a voice in his head, narrowing his eyes at you, trying not to look at the crisscrossing burn marks on your back. The ones that he caused. “Why not?”_

“Your arm. It’s metal.”

_“Tell me something I don’t know, little mutant.”_

_He could hear a soft growl echo through his head before your hand reached out and pressed against the wall of the cage. The crackling sound of electricity could be heard for a split second before you pulled your hand away again._

“That answer your question?” _You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, laying heavily back on your stomach, a pained groan sounding from deep in your throat._ “Look, if you’re here because you want to fight, you’re gonna have to just wait. There’s a hole in my stomach and I’m pretty sure I could push my finger through and out the other side. Give me a day or two and I should be back to normal.”

_He looked shocked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “That’s not… That’s not why I’m here…” Why didn’t you seem scared of him?_

“Then why are you here?”

_“You held back tonight, why?” He tried to keep the hard edge to his voice, to his appearance, but he couldn’t help but to stare you at complete awe and curiosity._

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

_He took a step closer. “But I hurt you.”_

“Why do you care about that?”

_“Why are you treating me like a person? Like you’re not scared of me?” The man skillfully avoided your question, even he didn’t know the answer to it. Why did he care?_

“You are a person. How am I supposed to be treating you?” _You forcefully pushed yourself off of your cot and pulled on your abandoned tank top, trying not to wince when it brushed over your injured flesh._ “A better question would be, why are you treating me like I’m a person? It’s not like I am one anymore.”

_“Of course you are. What do you mea—”_

_Anger flashed in your eyes as you moved close to the wall of the cage, banging the side of your fist against it, ignoring the white hot shocks of pain that shot down your arm._ “Don’t fucking lie to me,” _you snarled._

_He was taken aback by the pure venom in your voice. Staring down at you, he watched as the shadows inked onto your skin writhed in either pain or anger, he wasn’t sure. Probably both. “Please stop, you’re going to hurt yourself even more.”_

_At this, you bit back silent laughter, turning your back as you paced around your cage._ “What do you want?”

_The man paused for a moment, hesitating slightly. “You’re hurt. Let me help you, please.”_

_You stopped pacing and looked over at him, anger no longer present in your features, but exhaustion and pain._ “Why?”

_“I don’t know.”_

_Sighing and closing your eyes, you nodded._ “What’s your name, soldier?”

_“James… Buchannan… Barnes…” He spoke slowly, as if he was unsure that he was telling you the truth._

_You stiffened at that._ “Bucky,” _your voice was but a whisper in his mind._ “Your name’s Bucky. I’m (y/n).”

\---

“The button to turn off the cage is over there, it’s the red one.” _You pointed over to a control panel on the other side of the room before limping back over to your cot, holding a hand over the hole in your stomach._ “Damn, that hurts. If it could just quit being a bitch and heal itself, that’d be fucking great.”

_Bucky quickly walked over to the panel and hit the button, before walking back, hesitating slightly at the door of your cage._

“Don’t worry, I can’t really hurt you at the moment,” _you glared._ “Or run away, if that’s what’s bothering you.”

_“I know…” He pulled out a roll of gauze from one of his pockets before opening the gate and ducking inside. His eyebrows furrowed when he realized he couldn’t fully stand up straight. “You’re too small…”_

“Well, we can’t all be giant super soldiers, you know.”

_He cracked a smile at that and sat cross legged on the floor beside you. “You’re going to have to… Uhh…” He gestured to your loose tank top and you groaned._

“Yeah, sorry.” _You reluctantly pushed yourself up and pulled the bloody top off._

_“Thanks…” Silently he began to pack gauze around your side. Why was he feeling guilty about this?_

“Not your fault, quit worrying about it. I’m the one who didn’t get out of the way.”

_Sensing your growing discomfort, Bucky tried to distract you with small talk. “What?” He chuckled. “Not used to someone cleaning you up?”_

_You were quiet, your eyes closed as if you were trying to forget about something._ “No, I’m very used to it.”

_Way to go, Barnes… He thought to himself. “I’m sorry…” He whispered after another moment._

_Turning your head, you looked back at him, confusion evident on your face._ “For what?”

_“That stupid comment, and tossing you into an electric fence.”_

_You just nodded and relaxed against the cot as his hands began to rub small circles on your back._ “Don’t worry about it…”

_He watched your face, noting the subtle changes in your expressions. Bucky could tell, under the aggressive façade you were putting up, you seemed small and fragile. He didn’t understand why, but he had to see the real you, under the angry walls you had put up for your own protection. There was something about you, something he wanted to protect from the dangers of the world._

_Gently, he ran his finger over one of the swirls on your back, immediately jerking away when it moved. “I’m sorry! Did that hurt? I didn’t mean to hurt you aga—”_

_You cut him off by reaching back and harshly cupping your hand over his mouth, narrowing your eyes._ “Apologize for something one more time…”

_Bucky just nodded and looked away when you slowly let go of his face. “Uh… You need to turn over if I’m going to…”_

_Tossing an arm over your chest, you managed to turn over onto your side, before stopping with a pained gasp._ “This is about all I can move.”

_“That’s fine.” He quickly packed the rest of the gauze around your side and secured it with bandages, trying to ignore the fact that his fingers were being followed by the patterns on your skin._

“If you’re uncomfortable, I can make them go away…”

_The softness of your words surprised him, making him glance up at you. “Why would I want you to do that?”_

_You shrugged and immediately regretted it._ “You just looked uncomfortable.”

_Slowly, he reached out and traced his fingers over them, smiling softly when they moved around. “I think they’re beautiful,” he murmured._

_You made a face._ “They’re hideous. What did I tell you earlier about lying to me?”

_Bucky looked up at you, his fingers never stilling as they traced around your stomach. “I’m not lying. They are, and so are you, whether you see it or not.”_

“I’m not beautiful, I’m subhuman,” _you growled as you turned back over onto your stomach._

_He just sighed and got up, letting himself out of your cage. “Maybe you don’t see it, little mutant, but I do. I’ll be back sometime soon.”_

“Don’t waste your time.”

_All you got was a chuckle as he pushed the button on the control panel, the electric currents flowing back through the wiring of your cage._

_\---_

_True to his word, he was back a couple nights later, and again after that. The longer he was around, the more you started to let down your walls. Answering his questions became a lot easier, so did dealing with his constant apologizing._

_“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.” Bucky sighed as he walked into the room, watching as you pressed the palms of your hands against the cage, singeing the skin and watching as it started to repair itself almost instantly. “How long have you been doing that?”_

_You seemed to jerk back to reality, looking down at your hands then back up at him._ “I don’t know… But I’m fine, I heal fast.”

_“Still, doing stuff like that isn’t good for you, even if you heal in less than a minute.”_

_You looked away as he sat down, and before you could change your mind, you leaned against him and laid your head against his broad chest._ “It’s just nice to feel things sometimes… Pain, human contact, sometimes I can trick myself into thinking I’m not something less than human.” _You thought for a moment,_ “I’m staying here, until you have to leave.”

_Bucky was taken aback, you were never like this around him, and he had been coming to see you for at least a couple months now. Nonetheless, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against his chest. “Of course, anything for my best girl.”_

“When did I become your best girl?”

_“That night I threw you through a pipe.”_

“How romantic. Is that how you used to get all the girls?”

_“It’s how I got you, isn’t it?”_

_You scoffed, but couldn’t help the blush that dusted your cheeks as, for once, you let yourself relax, letting yourself be held through the night._

_Rubbing his hands over your back, Bucky spent hours whispering sweet nothings into your ear, about a better life, away from all of this. How he wanted to be the one to cut the wiring out of your mouth, wanted to know that you trusted him enough to allow him. Murmuring about how he dreamed of living with you, wanted to be there to protect you if you ever got hurt._

_You fell asleep listening to his whispers, knowing for sure, you had fallen in love with HYDRA’s asset. The Winter Soldier._

_\---_

_“They’re going to find out about this someday, (y/n).”_

“They already know.”

_“What?” Bucky was startled._

“They know. I don’t know what they’re playing at, but they already know.”

_\---_

_Nothing happened for about a year, you and Bucky seeing each other a couple times a week, only at night. The winter soldiers had long since stopped using you to train, instead you were in the cage fighting other mutants, strictly for entertainment._

“You’re acting different tonight, what’s on your mind?”

_Bucky winced at the soft tones echoing through his head. “I can’t do this.”_

_Your eyes widened and you jerked your head up to look at him._ “What?”

_“This,” he gestured between the two of you. “I can’t take the sneaking around, the paranoia anymore. I can’t risk them finally deciding to do something about this and hurt you. I can’t do that to you, doll. This isn’t safe.” He was pacing back and forth outside of your cage, running his hands through his hair as tears welled up in his eyes. “I need you to take away my memories. You can do that, I’d rather you do it than them. I’m so sorry.”_

_You couldn’t speak, you just wordlessly followed him back to his cell, trying not to let your own tears fall as he laid down in his cot._

_“I love you, doll. So much. Someday, when this is all over, we’ll meet again, and I’ll take you dancing, and we’ll be happy together. No more worries or pain. You just gotta wait for me, doll. We’ll find each other again. I promise.”_

_You nodded, not trusting your words to come out right. The next few moments went by in a blur, almost as if you were watching yourself cast a shadow over his mind and leave the room. He wouldn’t remember you, or the both of you, or anything about mutants at all, just to be safe._

_Teleporting back to your cage, you stumbled onto your bed, tears blurring your vision, left only with your memories and empty promises that you knew couldn’t be kept. Tomorrow you would start rebuilding your walls, tomorrow you would wake up and pretend nothing happened, that you weren’t dead on the inside. But tonight, you let yourself break, and you cried yourself to sleep. Silent sobs shaking your body with every breath you tried to take. For you had fallen in love with The Winter Soldier, and it had left you with a broken heart._

_\---_

Bucky didn’t stay to watch the rest of the tapes. He quickly ran back to your apartment, tears falling down his face as he tried to remember everything. He couldn’t.

You were in the kitchen, standing by the table when he came in.

“Why can’t I remember anything? Hydra didn’t use mutants. I didn’t know you. Was this all some kind of joke? Please tell me this was a joke, doll.”

His voice was panicked and raising with every word as he walked forward, backing you against the wall. You were scared, he could see it in your eyes. Then it happened.

He reached out to touch your shoulder, to trace the faintly scarred skin of your back, now that he knew where the scars came from, and you jerked back. Acting on instinct, your arms flew up in front of your face, the shadows that you had managed to hold back for the past 10 years reappearing on your skin, swirling down your arms, your eyes darkening to their normal back color, pupils blowing out in pure fear.

He stopped, his mouth opened in shock. He had scared you, the one person who he had promised to protect. He stumbled back, gripping the edge of the counter for support.

“D-doll, I…”

Bucky could see it in your eyes. _You were scared of him. He had scared you._

So, he ran.

\---

You fell asleep on the couch that night, waiting for him so come home, even though you knew in the back of your head that he probably wouldn’t.

When you woke up the next morning, Bucky still wasn’t home, but he had obviously been back, because there was a blanket wrapped around your small body, and all of his stuff was packed and gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we've caught up with what's posted on Tumblr, so it's gonna be a little slower updating this now since I'm writing in real time~ But, I'll try to have chapters up as soon as I can, work tends to get in the way sometimes though, but there should be at least one update a week! Thank you to everyone who's read this up til this point, I love you all <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, this is so late  
> I really have no good excuse other than writers block and lack of motivation

It was the following evening when Steve decided to check on you.

“(Y/n)? Bucky? You guys in h—” He cut off as he walked into your kitchen, stopping with a gasp at the blood splattered on the table.

You sat, hunched over, carving away at one of the shadows that swirled its way down your arm, growling as the skin repaired itself almost instantly. Sitting the knife down when you heard a voice, you turned to look at Steve, who was dead still, a look of shock plastered over his face.

Meeting your eyes seemed to immediately snap him out of his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he stepped slowly towards you, like you were a frightened animal ready to run. “(Y/n)…”

You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the shadows to disappear from your skin once more. “You don’t have to look so scared… I’m not running anywhere… And…I heal…fast.” Your voice was quiet and raspy, having not used it in over 30 years.

He gently placed his hands over yours, slipping the knife away from you, staring from you to your unscarred arm with wide eyes. “(Y/n) … You can talk?”

“That’s what…you’re worried about? Of…course I can…talk.” you spoke slowly, eyebrows furrowing as if you were in pain.

“What happened? Where’s Bucky?” He whispered, taking a seat beside you.

Rubbing your fingers over your head, you mumbled. “He left…”

“What?” Steve looked closer at you for a moment before stating, “darlin’ you’re hurting yourself.”

“I…heal fast.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it… Talking, it’s hurting you, isn’t it?”

You blinked and looked away. “Not important…”

The blond sighed before standing up and wrapping a warm arm around your shoulders, pulling you up to your feet. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up then you can tell me what happened.”

\---

“What happened, (Y/n)?”

You sat, curled up on the couch beside Steve, your knees pulled up to your chest as you choked out a bitter laugh. “He left… I’d leave me…too.”

“Darlin’, I’m sure he’ll be back…”

Shaking your head, you rested your chin on your knees, eyes glistening with tears that you refused to let fall. “He came back…last night, after you guys were done…watching the tapes, I guess. He said…begged…me to tell him that it was a joke… That HYDRA didn’t use mutants… My powers… I’ve tried so long to hide them…to hold them back… They decided to show up…I got scared… But I could see the fear in his eyes…then the disgust… And he left.” You closed your eyes, willing your head to stop hurting long enough for you to finish talking. “As I said… I’d leave me too… No one wants to be with someone less than human…I get it.”

Steve didn’t say anything, he just pulled you against his chest and stroked your hair.

“I tried…so hard to be normal… To be human… But…I’m not… And that sucks.” Your voice cracked as you choked out a sarcastic laugh.

“(Y/n), what were you doing when I got here?”

You stiffened slightly but didn’t move away from him. Instead, you held out your arm, slowly letting one of the shadows ink its way down your skin. “I wanted it gone…” you murmur before making it disappear once more.

Steve slowly rubbed his thumb over your arm. “Does it hurt? Holding back your powers like that?”

“Of course it hurts… It feels like…everything is burning…” You stopped again and Steve was about to tell you that you didn’t have to keep talking, but you cut him off. “But…you get used to it…after…holding back for almost…15 years.”

“Why’d you stop using them?”

At this you did turn away, sadness filling your eyes. “I was on a mission… Soon after Bucky asked me to…take away his memories… HYDRA discovered that they could use me…for assassinations…my silence making me undetectable… One mission…this little girl saw me…and she looked terrified… I knew that mutants…weren’t…and still aren’t…treated well, we’re used for entertainment and…cage fighting…but that little girl…was absolutely terrified of the way I looked… And I decided that I never wanted anyone…to look at me like that…again.”

“So you hid your powers?”

You nodded, closing your eyes against the pain in your head. “I just wanted…to be normal…for the most part. As soon as HYDRA…figured out that they couldn’t make me…use my powers…they froze me… They had more mutants by then…anyway… They didn’t need me anymore.”

Steve was quiet, wrapping his arms tighter around you. “I’m so sorry, darlin’”

“I just wanted to be normal…for once…” Your small body shook as silent tears fell from your eyes.

\---

Steve started staying with you, more often than not. He didn’t seem to trust you being on your own. He would mostly sleep on your living room couch while you laid awake in your own bed, unable to sleep.

Tony had managed to come up with a sort of suppressant for your powers, the only downside being that they hardly worked. With your body’s specific genetic makeup, the suppressants had to continuously work to overpower your healing abilities, thus making it almost impossible for them to suppress your other abilities. This didn’t stop you from using them in hopes they might start to work someday.

However, since your healing abilities had been stunted, you were exhausted more often than not, and you could feel the pain from holding back your powers increase day after day because they wanted to be set free.

One night, Steve was awake, sitting at the kitchen table when he heard shuffling around coming from the hallway.

“(Y/n)? Is that you?” He called out, standing up to go investigate the noise.

Sure enough, you were walking back and forth between your bedroom and the bathroom, carrying bundles of your…blankets?

“Darlin’, what’s going on?” Steve was confused, watching as you drug pillow after pillow and blanket after blanket from your room.

“Bed too big…” You mumbled, sniffling slightly. “Sleeping in…here.”

Steve gently grabbed your shoulders when you walked by again, tilting your head up towards him. Your eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, surrounded by almost bruise like dark circles, as if you had been crying yourself past the point of complete exhaustion.

“I’m fine…”

He just smiled sadly and took a step back, allowing you to continue on before stepping into the bathroom behind you. In the bathtub was a pile of your blankets, carefully arranged so you could sleep on them.

“You know, (Y/n), you could always take the couch…”

You just shook your head and climbed into the bathtub, curling up amongst the blankets and shutting your eyes. Steve couldn’t hold back the small smile as he watched you, sitting down on the floor, himself, and grabbing one of the pillows and blankets you didn’t have with you and leaning against the wall, finally drifting off to sleep himself.

His sleep didn’t last for long, as a short while later he was woken up by the sound of soft cries and ragged breathing. Quickly sitting up and moving over beside you, he peered into the tub, sighing sadly when he saw tears streaming down your face in your sleep.

Getting up quietly and trying not to startle you awake, he climbed into the bathtub beside you, gently tucking you under his chin as his fingers ran through your hair. “(Y/n)… Darlin’… You’re alright now… No need to cry.”

You jerked awake, trying to calm yourself down as you took in the familiar surroundings of your bathroom. “Steve…”  
“You looked like you could use some company.”

Nodding and slowly relaxing into his arms, you tried to stop the tears from falling down your face. “I… I miss him so much…”

“I know, Darlin’. I know.”

Steve continued to run his fingers through your hair as you cried yourself out against his chest. Smiling in relief when he heard your breathing finally even out, and you fell back asleep, he moved slightly, trying to get comfortable, curling his body around yours, holding you tight to his chest.

No one had heard anything from Bucky, he had been gone for about a month and a half, and no one could get ahold of him. Frowning when he looked down at your sleeping form, he slowly closed his eyes himself.

 _‘Bucky,’_ he thought. _‘Where the hell did you go?’_

\---

For several months, this continued, and you were getting no better. It was the middle of spring now, and you were up in the air, practicing for the next show, unknowing of the familiar, long-haired male on the outside of the tent.

Missing one of the ribbons completely, due to lack of sleep, you were falling fast, and hit the ground with a thud, curling in on your side.

“(Y/n)!”

You groaned when you heard Tony’s voice, looking up at him as you tried to push yourself up. “I’m…fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, (Y/n)! You’re exhausted and probably broke your whole ribcage with that fall. You’re done for the day.”

“I’m not… I’m fine…”

“You’re done, stay down there. Where the hell is Cap?”

“I said I’m fine…” You continued trying to push yourself off of the ground.

“Dammit, (Y/n), stay there or I’ll call Logan, maybe he can knock some sense into you! You’re done until you get better, I mean it!”

With a growl of annoyance, you finally gave in, glaring up at your best friend as he walked away. You closed your eyes for a moment, when suddenly you were lifted off of the ground.

“Darlin’ what happened?? I left for 2 minutes!”

“I’m fine…Steve. I just…fell. And…Tony won’t let—” You cut off as you looked over his shoulder, locking eyes with the person you didn’t think you would see again. “Steve…Did I hit…my head… Or is…that Bucky…over there?”

“What?” The blond turned slowly, trying not to hurt your injured ribs further, his eyes widening when he saw Bucky’s shocked face. He looked from you, to Bucky, then back down to you in his arms. “I think… I think you hit your head, darlin’,” he mumbled quietly, not sure how you were going to react to seeing Bucky again.

\---

Bucky held his breath as he watched you squirm around in Steve’s arms, begging to be put down. He tried to calm the jealous emotions swirling inside of him at the sight of you being so close to the blond.

Looking conflicted, Steve eventually complied and set you gently down on your feet. You started limping slowly over to the ex-assassin as he stepped fully into the doorway bracing himself for whatever you would do when you got to him.

Finally making it close enough, you reached your arm out as Bucky stiffened, fully expecting you to punch him in the face. Instead, he felt gentle shoves against his chest as he looked down at you.

“You’re really…here…” You grit your teeth against the pain in your head and body, forcing yourself to look up at him.

He swallowed thickly before nodding. “I am.”

It was then that your body gave out from under you, and Bucky had to lurch forward to catch you before you hit the ground. Staring down at your small body, passed out and looking so fragile and broken, he slowly looked back up to Steve, guilt overwhelming him.

“What the hell happened while I was gone?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, guys~ <3

“What the hell happened while I was gone?”

Steve ignored Bucky’s question, quickly scooping you back into his arms and calling out for Pietro. There was a blur and suddenly the silver haired man was in front of him, gently taking you and cradling you against his chest.

“Take her back to her apartment, please. And be careful with her.”

“Of course.” He shifted you gently, careful to avoid touching your ribs as he held you close, frowning when you made a small noise. “Hush, preţios, you need the rest,” he whispered. And then he was gone again, leaving Bucky and Steve alone in the room.

“Why’d you come back?”

Bucky was at a loss, never seeing Steve in quite this state before, agitated yet seemingly worried. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I felt bad for leaving the way I dad. Just wanted to talk to her.”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and sighed. “Yeah, you should have done that a lot sooner.”

“Yeah… I see Stark found a way to help her talk…”

“No,” Steve shook his head and began pacing the floor. “He hasn’t figured out a way to fix her. She tried taking suppressants, but they didn’t work, something with her healing abilities. She’s always been able to talk; it just hurts her to do so.”

“She doesn’t need to be fixed,” Bucky growled. “You say that like there’s something wrong with her.”

Steve froze, before glancing up and narrowing his eyes. “You mean to tell me you’ve just now decided you don’t think there’s something wrong with her?”

“What the hell are you talking about, Steve?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but then there was a blur and Pietro was back in the room, glaring at the ex-assassin. “So this is the one who made the little prinţesă hate her powers?”

“What the fuck… How is that my fault?”

“Bucky…” Steve started. “What happened that night that you left?”

Bucky looked away, running a hand through his hair. “I scared her…” he whispered, starring down at his feet. “I scared her, and I didn’t mean to, so I ran. I never meant to scare her, I was just confused, and I took it out on her, and I’ve felt bad about it ever since,” he knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t stop himself, guilt overwhelming him.

“Well, that’s not what she thinks,” Pietro commented, his accented voice filled with anger.

Bucky’s head snapped up at this. “And what does she think??”

“She thinks… She thinks you left because she’s a mutant.” Steve spoke slowly as Bucky’s eyes widened.

“Why would she think that??”

“It’s all she’s ever heard, her whole life,” Pietro growled. “She believes all that stuff about being less than human, you know.”

“But… I didn’t…”

“Think about it, Buck,” Steve’s soft voice interrupted. “According to her, you finished the tapes, found out about her, came back and begged her to tell you it was a joke, and then her powers came out and you left and didn’t come back. What was she supposed to think?”

Bucky was silent for a moment, looking away as tears welled up in his eyes. “I never thought… I didn’t mean to…”

“We know you didn’t, but she doesn’t.”

He just nodded, finally realizing that he messed up so much more than he thought.

\---

Steve gave Bucky the key to get into his apartment. “I’m going to go check on (Y/n).”

Bucky nodded, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. “Are you two…?”

“No. Not at all.” Any other time, the blond would have laughed at the jealous expression on his friends face. “She’s in love with you, Buck. Always has been.” And with that, he walked away, leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts.

Opening the door to your apartment, Steve shivered as he grabbed his sweatshirt from the couch. “Darlin’, if you get it any colder in here, it’s gonna start snowing. And I don’t want to be the one having to explain to Tony why there’s a blizzard in your living room.”

You tried to smile from your spot on the couch, looking up at him. “Sorry… I like…the cold.”

He sighed and sat beside you, pulling you against his chest. “Your ribs feeling any better?”

Stiffening slightly in pain, you tried to relax, coughing slightly. “Yeah… Just tired.” You couldn’t let him know that the suppressants stunted your healing, if you did, they wouldn’t let you take them anymore, and you would never know if they would ever start working.

“You should really try to get some sleep, sweetheart.”

You nodded and settled down against him. “I miss him, Steve…”

“I know… Why don’t you try and talk to him?”

“I doubt he…wants to talk to…me,” you mumbled, closing your eyes as exhaustion finally took over.

\---

A couple weeks went by, and Bucky was still around. He was still trying to work up the nerve to have an actual conversation with you, but he smiled whenever he walked by you. You always seemed to be exhausted, he often worried that you were going to fall asleep while you were practicing.

The night of the show came and was over all too quickly, your performance being as spectacular as always. You were sitting on a mat when everyone had left the room, leaning up against the wall. The pain in your ribs had never gone away, they were still shattered from your fall a couple weeks ago, but you couldn’t let anybody know that you weren’t healing anymore, so you carried on like usual, performing through the pain and trying to act normal.

You were lost in your own thoughts when a hand suddenly appeared in front of your face. Looking up, you saw a man with short hair and blue eyes smiling down at you.

“Who the fuck are you?”

He looked back to his friend, a man with longer hair, sitting in a wheelchair, and called out. “Yeah, this is Logan’s kid!”

Your ears perked at the name and you slowly placed your hand in his, pulling yourself up from the wall. “Logan…?”

“He couldn’t come, but he told us where we could find you.”

You frowned a bit, as the other man rolled his chair towards you. “Not to sound…rude or anything…but who are…you and why are you…here?”

“I’m Charles Xavier, I wanted to talk to you about coming to my school for gifted youngsters.”

The other man groaned slightly at his friend. “I’m Erik Lensherr, and I did not come up with that name.”

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Thank you…I think... But I’m now…gifted…or a youngster…”

Charles chuckled and looked up at you. “No, no, dear. Not as a student. I’m looking at starting a new course on acrobatics over the summer, and I think you would be a perfect teacher.”

“A…teacher?” Your eyes widened as you thought about it.

“Just think about it, you can always get in touch with me if you decide you want to take me up on the offer,” he said, gently tapping his forehead, and somehow you knew exactly what he meant.

You nodded slowly. “But why…me?” The pain in your head was growing, but you tried not to let it show.

“With your talents, I think you would do a great job.”

“Talents…” you murmured, frowning slightly at the word, you had never heard your powers referred to as talents before. “I’ll think about it…”

“That’s all I ask, dear.”

And with that, the two men left, and you were alone with your thoughts once more.

\---

A short while later, Bucky made his way into the large tent, hoping you would still be there. And sure enough, you were sitting on the bleachers in yoga pants and a button up shirt. That was odd, he thought. When did you start wearing button ups? He took a deep breath and started walking over towards you.

Hearing someone walk in, you looked over and saw Bucky, your whole body tensing slightly. “H-hello…”

“(Y/n) …” his eyes softened as he gestured beside you. “Can I sit there?”

You just nodded, never taking your eyes off of him.

“Listen… I know that this will never make up for what I did to you, but, I’m so sorry, doll. I shouldn’t have run away. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I…I thought I scared you. That’s why I ran away. I thought I scared the most important person in my world, and I thought you would be better off without me. I’m so, so sorry, doll.”

You listened, staring up at him with widened eyes. “I-I know…”

“You know?”

“Steve told me… A couple nights…ago. Said that…I should come talk to you… I didn’t know…how. I missed…you.”

Gingerly threading his fingers through yours, he nodded and whispered. “I missed you too, doll.”

You slowly leaned over, resting your head against his shoulder. “You’re an…idiot…Bucky.”

He chucked softly and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “I know… I really am.” He kissed the top of your head softly and sighed. “I think Steve and Stark wanted to see you for a minute, they’re in his lab.”

You just sighed and stood up. “Are you…coming?”

“If you want me to.”

You held out your hand to him and the both of you walked over to Tony’s lab.

\---

The both of you walked in silence, and when you got there, you could tell something was wrong. Tony was watching you like a hawk, eyes tracing your every movement.

“(Y/n)… Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes…” You nodded as Bucky looked confused.

“I was just wondering, I know you fell the other day and was wondering how you were holding up.”

Your eyes widened as you looked down at your shoes, nervously tapping your fingers against your thigh. “I’m f-fine…”

“You sure? Because I wouldn’t mind running some tests on your bones, try and figure out how it all works, if that’s alright with you.”

“I-I guess…sometime…”

Tony walked closer to you and you inched away slightly. “Come on, (Y/n). I know how you act when you’re in pain. Why don’t you just take off your shirt?”

“I’d really rather…not.” It was getting harder for you to breathe, and it felt like the room was spinning.

“Stark, what the hell?” Steve was concerned, when Tony mentioned that you might be hurt, he didn’t know that he was going to push you into a panic attack to figure it out.

“(Y/n), take it off. Since they’re all better, you know. What’s the harm in it?”

You were breathing hard, stepping back from him, your eyes wide with fear.

“Tony! Cut it out already! You said you wanted to help her, not scare her to death!”

You stumbled back into Bucky, who immediately wrapped his arms around you. Not having time to brace yourself, you couldn’t help but let out a pained gasp as his arm brushed against your ribs, silencing everyone in the room.

“Doll…?” Bucky whispered. “What was that?”

Your eyes squeezed shut as you had no other choice but to unbutton your shirt and pull it off. The entire right side of your ribcage was black and blue and green, littered with small cuts.

“What the hell happened?” Tony rushed over, immediately pulling you to a table to lay down. “Why the fuck aren’t you healing properly, the suppressants didn’t—” He cut off and looked down at you. “They did work, didn’t they?”

“Kind of…” you wheezed. “They…stopped my healing… I just…wanted to see if…they’d start working on all of it.”

“Sweetheart…” Tony looked distressed, running his fingers through your hair. “You gotta get off of them, your body’s slowly killing itself. You can’t stay on them”

“But… I can’t… I don’t want…”

“I know you don’t, but you have to.” He mumbled, rummaging through a drawer and pulling out a needle. “There’s an antidote for it, I’m going to give you that and some stuff to make you sleep while your body heals, alright?”

“I don’t…want to…”

“You don’t have a choice.” Tony pressed the needle into your arm, and you could immediately feel yourself getting drowsy, and the last thing you saw was Bucky’s sad face, sitting beside you as you fell asleep.

\---

Bucky stayed with you the whole time, running his fingers over the tattoo-like shadows that reappeared on your arms while you were sleeping. He hated that he made you feel this way, knowing he was the one that had pushed you this far. You were beautiful, powerful, it was hard for him to believe that you couldn’t see that about yourself.

He could tell that you were waking up when the shadows started to disappear once more and you stirred slightly. Offering a sad smile when you opened your eyes, he gently let go of your arm.

“How long…have I been out?”

“Only a couple of days, doll. You’re all better now, though.” He thought for a moment. “Please don’t ever do something like that again… I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

You just nodded and turned away. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize.” He stood up and could see the brief panic flash through your eyes before you realized that he was just standing so he could pick you up. “Come on, I bet you’re missing your bed.”

\---

Bucky cradled your small body to his chest as he walked back to your apartment. The first thing he noticed when he stepped inside was how cold it was, the air conditioner running on full blast.

“Doll, why’s it so cold in here?”

You shifted closer in his arms, half asleep and desperate for warmth. “I like…the cold…” Your tired and raspy voice broke his heart.

“No you don’t. You hate the cold, I know you. It reminds you of them and being under the ice.”

“If…you’re too cold…Steve’s started leaving coats over…in the closet…if you want one.”

Even though he knew why Steve was with you so much, Bucky couldn’t help but set his jaw in jealousy, holding you tighter against his chest. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He paused when he got to your bedroom, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Where’s all your blankets and pillows, sugar? Don’t tell me you’ve been sleeping in the cold with nothing.”

Shaking your head, you mumbled softly against his chest. “Bathtub…”

Bucky stopped and looked down at you for a moment, before walking slowly to the bathroom, not sure of what he was about to find. Sure enough, all of your bedclothes were piled into a nest in the bathtub, a small space in the middle that was obviously slept in. “Doll… Why are you sleeping in your bathtub?”

You turned your head against his chest, squinting against the harsh lights in the bathroom. “Bed too big…to sleep in alone… Like small spaces…” You paused for a moment, rubbing your fingers over your aching head. “We…can go to the bed…if you want… I’m not going to make you sleep in a…small bathtub…” you mumbled slowly.

“Do you want me to stay with you?”

“Are you…going to still be here in the morning?” You clung just a little tighter to the front of his shirt, which he picked up on immediately and kissed the top of your head.

“If you want me to be.”

Bucky stepped across the hallway to your bedroom and set you down gently on the bed. Your eyes widened and you made a low whining sound in the back of your throat when he turned back towards the door, reaching out and grabbing the back of his shirt. “Where are you…going?”

The panic in your voice made him stop, turning around and running his fingers through your hair, he smiled sadly down at you. “I’m just going to get the blankets, doll. I’ll be right back.”

You slowly let go of his shirt and nodded, watching as he walked out of the room.

Gently pulling the door to, Bucky walked back to the bathroom and started gathering up the blankets and pillows, staring down at them. He could feel himself sinking to the floor, his vision blurring with tears as he buried his face into a pillow.

You sat in bed for a few minutes, wondering what could be taking him so long, when you could barely make out the sound of crying coming from the bathroom. Immediately worried, you got up and limped to the other room, slowly opening the door and stepping inside. “Bucky…?”

His head jerked up, and he tried to wipe his eyes. “Sorry, doll. I got distracted.”

Walking over to him, you gently cupped his face in your hand and looked down at him. “Are you…alright?”

As if the sound of your voice was too much to bear, Bucky broke. He buried his face against your stomach, tears soaking through the front of your shirt. “I’m so sorry, doll. This is all my fault, you’re hurting and… And I caused it. I’m so sorry.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to get him to look at you. “Bucky… I’m fine…”

“No you’re not, (Y/n). You’re causing yourself pain,” he wrapped his arms tighter around your thighs, his voice muffled against you. “And I just… I know you think you’re not human, and that your powers are horrible. I know it hurts you to hold them back. I know you’ll never see them the same way I do, but you’re beautiful, doll. You’re so beautiful, and you don’t even see it. And I just made it worse when I thought I would be doing you some good. I’m so—”

_“Bucky…”_

He looked up at you, eyes red rimmed and puffy, staring in awe as he realized that was, in fact, your soft voice echoing through his head once more.

_“Let’s go to bed.”_

 


	8. Extra Chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This s basically just a chapter about what went on in the couple weeks between Bucky coming back and reconciling with reader after the show! Enjoy!

“Are you sure she’s not with anyone, Steve?”

“I’m positive, Buck.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Look, I sleep with her all the time. If she was with someone, I’d know about it.”

Bucky went silent as Tony looked up from his newspaper. He knew what Steve meant, yet he also knew what Bucky thought, so as soon as Bucky took a sip of his coffee, he commented. “Yeah, me too.”

“You, too, Stark??” Bucky choked on his drink.

Tony just nodded and gestured to Steve. “Sometimes me and Cap together.”

“Regrettably.” Steve glared at Tony as Bucky quickly excused himself, completely oblivious to how all this sounded.

\---

For the next couple days, Bucky noticed most of the guys going in and out of your apartment at all hours of the day and night, staying for a few hours at a time. Sometimes Nat or Wanda would come, mostly just Steve and Tony though. He knew he had no right to be angry or jealous about you moving on, even if he still loved you.

So, he decided that he would try and move on as well. It was better for the both of you, he reasoned with himself as he drove to a local bar, hoping to drink away his problems and maybe find a cute girl to keep him company.

He had just knocked back his fourth drink when he met the eye of a blonde girl, who made her way over to him, perching herself on his lap.

His hands made their way to her waist as she ground back against his hips. This girl was hot, he told himself, biting back a moan, but she’s not (Y/n).

It was then that he saw a familiar blonde walking towards them, an angry glare on his face. “Buck, what the hell?” Steve glanced towards the girl and pointed across the room. “You, leave.”

With a huff, she was gone, leaving Bucky to meet Steve’s glare, giving him one of his own.

“Come on, you’re coming with me.” Steve grabbed his arm, dragging him out of the bar.

\---

Steve ran his fingers angrily through his hair as he paced back and forth in the parking lot. “What the hell was that, Buck?!”

“Why’d you do that, Rogers?! If she can fuckin’ sleep around with everyone at home, then why can’t I try and get laid?!” Bucky yelled, causing the few other people nearby to glance towards them.

“Sleep around with…? What are you even talking about?!”

“You said it yourself!” He slurred. “Said you sleep with her all the time, you and Stark! And don’t think I haven’t seen everyone goin’ in an’ out of her apartment at night when neither of you are there!”

Steve’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to respond when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out and seeing Tony’s name flash across the screen, he glared at Bucky. “Be quiet for a minute.” He accepted the call, putting it on speaker phone, hoping that maybe Tony would say something to knock some sense into the ex-assassin. “Stark? I found Buc—” He cut off as he heard muffled voices in the background.

_“You can do whatever you want (Y/n)! You’re a free woman! Why don’t you let me, Nat, and Wanda take you out sometime? Maybe meet a guy or something.”_

_“Nah… I’m good, actually…”_

Had Tony not meant to call him?

_“Come on, sweetheart! There’s nothing getting laid can’t fix. Trust me.”_

_“Again… I’m good… Getting laid by…random guys isn’t something I’m really…interested in.”_

_“Well,” Tony paused for a moment. “What about Steve? You always had the biggest crush on Captain America when we were kids.”_

_Laughter could be heard from Tony as it sounded like something was being thrown. “Shut up…Stark.”_

_“Was throwing a cup at my face really necessary? But, I’m serious, (Y/n). Steve’s a nice guy.”_

_“Yeah… But I couldn’t do…that to Bucky…”_

Bucky looked confused as he stared at the phone, eyes widening when what you said sunk in.

_“(Y/n), look at me. Frosty is probably out getting banged by some random chick as we speak. You gotta think about yourself for once, not everyone else.”_

_“Isn’t that phrase supposed to be the other way around? And could you not remind me about that first part?”_

_“Not the point. What I’m trying to say is—”_

“Don’t I get a say in this, guys?” Steve quickly interrupted, his cheeks dusted pink.

_“Cap??” A rustling was heard as Tony’s voice became a lot clearer. “Sorry, didn’t mean to call. I got (Y/n) though, we’re making s’mores.”_

_“Thanks for…making it so I can…never look Steve in the face again…” You groaned._

“S’mores? What?”

_“She used to love s’mores. And I’m not sure when the last time she’s eaten anything was, so, we’re making s’mores.”_

“Where are you making s’mores at??”

_“The living room.”_

_“We were making s’mores. You’re leaving so I can…clean up.”_

“(Y/n)…” Steve started softly, staring over at Bucky. “Are you alright?”

_“I’m fine, Steve. Just wanna…be alone for a bit.”_

It was quiet on the other line for a moment, Steve almost thought that they had hung up, but the sound of a shutting door told him otherwise.

_“Cap, she’s lying,” Tony muttered. “She’s not okay. You’ll check on her when you get back, right? She kicked me out.”_

Steve sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I will. Be back soon, I think.”

_“Thanks, Cap.”_

When the phone call ended, Steve slowly looked over at Bucky, who was looking a little sick. “Yes, Bucky,” He stated quietly. “I’ve been sleeping with her. So has Tony and everyone else. Sleeping, Bucky!” His voice rising with every word until he was full on yelling in the parking lot. “She can’t fucking sleep without someone else there with her! Nightmares! And on top of that, she feels guilty about everything that’s happened to her! None of us trust her to sleep on her own! She’s trying to fucking kill herself and we’re just goddamn lucky that she can’t die!” He stopped and swallowed, trying to control his anger. “And when she heard what you were doing tonight she locked herself in her apartment, wouldn’t let anyone else in, said she didn’t need any of us to babysit her. If I go back there and find anything close to what I found when you first left…”

Bucky was quiet. Wide-eyed and looking like he wanted to throw up. “I-I-I have to talk to her, Steve,” he whispered.

“You can talk to her in the morning. Come on, we’re going home.”

“No, I have to talk to her tonight.”

\---

Steve groaned as he watched Bucky stumble up to your doorstep. “You sure you want to do this now? You’re drunk. You’re probably going to say something you’ll regret.”

“I have to talk to her.” Bucky stated firmly as he knocked on your door.

It was quiet for a moment before they heard shuffling around and the door being unlocked.

To say that you were surprised to see Bucky at your door was an understatement, especially a drunk Bucky. “What do…you want?”

“I thought you were sleeping with Steve!” He blurted after a moment. “And like, everyone else for that matter!”

You were quiet for a moment, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as his words sunk in. Anger flashed through your eyes as you glared. “Glad to know that’s what…you think of me,” you growled as you stepped back and slammed the door in his face.

“Wait, no! That wasn’t what I—” He banged his forehead against your door and groaned.

Steve stood with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “I cannot believe you just said that,” he muttered.

\---

You paced back and forth in your living room, downing a couple of painkillers when you started noticing the pain in your ribs again, and running your hands through your hair when there was another knock at your door. With an annoyed sigh you walked over and yanked the door open, expecting to see Bucky again. “What?!”

Instead you were met with the grinning faces of Wanda and Nat, Steve standing close behind them. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked at them, confusion written across your features.

“We’re here because we figured you could use some girl time.” Wanda’s accented voice broke the silence and you smiled softly.

“I’m assuming at least one of you has alcohol?”

Both girls raised up a couple bottles and you glanced over to Steve. “What are you…doing here?”

“I’m designated driver.”

“We’re not going anywhere?”

“Designated sober person? Voice of reason? Just here to make sure no one dies.”

Nat shoved his arm and smirked. “No one’s gonna die, Steve,” she turned to you. “Come on, (Y/n), Stark said we could use the main living room since it’s soundproof. We can turn up the music as loud as we like,” she was looking at you with puppy eyes that you knew you couldn’t refuse.

Finally, you nodded and stepped outside, “I could use a drink… Or twelve.”

\---

The night started out good, drinking and laughing and talking, forgetting about everything that had happened earlier. You couldn’t feel anything, not the pain in your ribs or your head, for the first time in several years, you almost felt completely relaxed. The alcohol coupled with the pain medication from earlier seeming to take the edge off of everything.

You leaned into Wanda as Steve got up to go get something to eat from the kitchen. Giggling when you felt her fingers playing with your hair, you glanced up towards Nat, who was crawling over towards you.

“What’re you doing?” You grinned as she settled herself down between your legs, nestling her hips against yours and looking down at you.

“I know the perfect way to make Barnes jealous,” she smirked.

“Oh, really? And what’s tha—” You cut off with a moan as her mouth latched onto your neck, sucking a dark purple mark onto your pulse point.

You felt nimble fingers gripping your chin and tilting your head back as Wanda crashed her lips to yours in a bruising kiss. Your back arched slightly and your clamped your knees around Nat’s hips to keep her in place as she sucked and nipped all over your neck and shoulders.

“There,” she giggled, sitting up and admiring her handiwork. “He’ll be running back to you as soon as he sees you.”

“She’s right,” Wanda murmured. “Guys get crazy jealous at stuff like this.”

Reaching over and grabbing a bottle from the coffee table and taking a long drink, you sat up when you heard Steve walking back in, giggling at the look of shock plastered on his face. “He got no righ’ to be jealous of nothin’,” you slurred. “He’s th’ one accusin’ me ‘f sleepin’ around with everyone. Even Steve.”

Steve took in your disheveled appearance, eyes roaming over your neck and to Natasha on top of you, and shook his head. “I leave you three alone for 2 minutes…” He muttered, taking a seat at the end of the couch.

\---

It wasn’t long before Wanda and Nat passed out, and Steve fell asleep, leaving you as the only one awake. Kicking out of your jeans and whining in discomfort, you crawled over to Steve, your eyes filling with tears as you curled up in his lap.

“Darlin’?” He mumbled, waking up and blinking down at you. His eyes widened and he sat up quickly when he saw the tears running down your face. “Darlin’, what’s wrong?”

“Steve, I wan’ a hug…”

He could barely understand you in your drunken state, but he wrapped his arms around you as you leaned heavily against his chest.

“Bucky’s no’ gonna wan’ me anymore,” you sobbed. “He already thinks ‘m fuckin’ everyone.”

Steve tightened his arms around you and stroked your hair, shushing you softly as he began to rock back and forth. “Buck’s an idiot, honey. But, he’ll come around, he loves you.”

You just shook your head and gripped his shirt as you eventually cried yourself to sleep in his lap.

\---

The next morning, Steve gently lifted you off of his lap and laid you down on the couch with Nat and Wanda and went to the kitchen to go ahead and make some coffee, figuring the three of you would need it when you woke up. Bucky was already sitting at the table, his head in his hands.

He glanced up when he heard Steve enter the room, grimacing slightly. “Steve… Please tell me I didn’t go over and apologize to (Y/n) while I was drunk last night like I think I did…”

Steve thought for a moment, before shaking his head. “No, you didn’t apologize.”

“Oh thank god, I could have messed things up more than I already have.”

The blonde was silent, something Bucky caught onto immediately. “Steve… What did I do?”

“Well…”

“Well, what?”

“You insisted that you had to talk to her last night after we left the bar… And so you went to her apartment and promptly told her that you thought she was sleeping with me.”

Bucky groaned and banged his head down on the table. “Anything else?”

“And everyone else.”  
He froze, slowly looking up again. “I did what?”

Steve sighed. “You told her you thought she was sleeping with me, and everyone else,” he paused for a moment. “She slammed the door in your face, and I was left consoling a crying drunk (Y/n) for most of the night.”

Bucky buried his face in his hands once more as Tony and Clint filed into the room, searching for coffee.

“Morning you two,” Tony chirped, grabbing a mug and sitting down. “And good morning to you, Princess.”

You stumbled into the room, squinting against the harsh lights of the kitchen and made your way to the counter. “Morning…”

Bucky’s head jerked up, taking in your less than refreshed appearance. Your eyes red and puffy, as if you had been crying all night, hair tousled and lips swollen. His eyes were drawn to the multiple bruises along your skin, jealous emotions bubbling up inside of him.

“And what did you get into last night?” Tony smirked, noticing the hickeys adorning your neck as well.

“Sleeping with everyone,” you growled as you poured yourself a cup of coffee, drinking it black because you were too tired and in too much pain to fix it like you like it, the pain killers having worn off by the time you woke up. Turning around and glaring at Bucky, who had the decency to look down. “After all, that’s what I do, isn’t it?” You snapped and started walking to the door. “I’m going to bed”

“Doll, wait, I—”

“Save it,” you muttered, taking a few steps into the hallway and running straight into Nat, who looked just about as bad as you felt.

“(Y/n)! I’m so sorry about last night, I don’t know what I was thinking, and—”

You cut her off and smiled softly. “It’s no big deal, I promise”  
“We’re still friends?”

“Of course.”

And with that, she hugged you tight and let you continue on your way back to your apartment.

\---

Later that afternoon there was a knock on your door. Sighing and getting up to answer it, you sat the bottle of vodka that you had been drinking back on your coffee table and stumbled towards the door.

You narrowed your eyes when you saw Bucky standing there, looking at his feet. “What do you want?”

“I just… I’m sorry, (Y/n). I was drunk and Steve tried to talk me out of coming over last night and I didn’t listen to him. I shouldn’t have said what I did, I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

“Is that all?” You struggled to not slur your words together.

He just nodded, looking down at you with sad but hopeful eyes.

“Well… I forgive you… I guess.” And with that, you stepped back, shutting the door in his face again.

He sighed and turned around, not wanting to push his luck anymore. For now he’d keep his distance, maybe soon he’d be able to have an actual conversation with you and tell you why he left in the first place, but for now, just knowing you were here and safe was good enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is on tumblr as well, I'm spacegaystrashcompactor on there too!


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